Playground Ethics

Toby came home yesterday with a story to tell: a "thorn" in his day. (We have a family tradition of sharing "roses" in our day with one another and sometimes there are "thorns" as well.)

At recess, he and his friends were playing Ninjas. When Toby was tackling a buddy, his friend Andy ran up and stopped short, spraying snow in Toby's face. Toby knew it was an accident and was not upset; however, another buddy took it upon himself to tell the teacher. This buddy thought that another student, Quinlee, was responsible for the snow in the face, but Toby says that student was not involved in the game at all.

The teacher called Quinlee over, and apparently Quinlee had to spend the rest of recess indoors.

In talking through the issue, Toby felt badly about it but did not want to correct the situation because:
1. It was already past and there was no point in revisiting it.
2. Andy is his friend and didn't do it on purpose, and what if the teacher punished Andy by taking away his next recess?!
3. His loyalty is with his friend and Quinlee is not even in his class.

We've talked a lot recently about the importance of standing up for yourself. Toby saw the situation this way: if he stood up for himself (or Quinlee) in this case, he would be hurting his friend, who might get punished.

We talked some more and explored some "what if" scenarios: what if you were Quinlee and were punished for something you knew you did not do? What if you talked to the teacher and explained that it was an accident and no one's "fault"? What if you could stand up for everyone? Can something be good for your friend but still not be right?

Toby ultimately decided that he could and will talk to the teacher, explaining that Quinlee was not responsible. His final words were: "Even if it was me who was going to get in trouble, I would tell the truth because punishment doesn't matter; all that matters is that the truth comes out."

Yeah for moral certainty! Wish it could all be so clear!