20 Years Ago

Twenty years ago today, I married my best friend.  

(and yes, in case anyone is trying to do the math, we were 6 when we got married!)

What adventures we have been through together!  Joys, sorrow, stormy times as well as sunny: and I would not have wanted to navigate the warp and weave of these past 20 years with anyone else!

Twenty years ago, our younger student selves were most concerned about papers and tests and finding jobs that would pay our (cheap!) rent.  Perhaps in another twenty years, the things we worry about today will seem that easy.

The family we've built, the trials and errors (and sometimes getting things right), the values we've developed, and the communities we've become part of, have all been part of our journey together.

Twenty years later it's safe to say we're both less idealistic and no longer the starry-eyed newlyweds we once were.  We are, however, more realistic, better able to communicate, better able to weather the storms of life.

This journey has not always been easy, but it's always been ours.  I cannot imagine sharing the memories of the past twenty years with anyone else!

Happy Anniversary, Ken!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

64 Black and White Squares . . . 32 Pieces . . . 2 Kings . . . One victor

Jonah and Toby have been in the Loring School Chess Club since its fledgling year in 2009.  Last Saturday, they competed, along with 12 team-mates, in the Minneapolis Public Schools Chess Tournament.  Loring's team was #1 in the K-3 division, and Toby's friend Oliver was undefeated individually!

Loring 4th-5th graders

Toby won 5 out of 7 games and Jonah won 4 out of 7.  A good time was had by all!

Jonah

Toby

Loring- #1 Team K-3 division!

Where Jonah Will Learn Next Year

Last night we attended an Open House at the Middle School Jonah will attend next year.  Jonah was terribly nervous on the drive there, "How many kids go here?" and "How will I ever find my classes?"

The teacher who gave the welcome presentation urged the kids to view middle schools' open houses as an opportunity to consider, "Where will I learn next year?"

Then a current 7th-grader (whom Jonah knew) got up in front of all these families to tell about how fun this school is and that she learns a lot every day. 

Then - the part Jonah had been waiting for - families could go upstairs and talk to some of the teachers. He asked great questions of the teachers:

(math) "How much math can I take in middle school?" Depending on which level he places into, he could go through Geometry

(language) "Can I take German?" This will make all his grandparents proud!  The answer, however, will not.  While the school offers Chinese, Spanish, and French, there is no German.  In fact, with 6 middle schools and 6 high schools, the Minneapolis school district employs only ONE German teacher. 

(band) "Do you have a lot of trombone players?" To which the band teacher responded, "If you play trombone, please join our band!  I've never led a band that had too many trombonists!"  Jonah was happy to hear that this band instructor knows his current band teacher.

Jonah was excited to see all of the after-school activities available (e.g. Lego League!).

He perked up when the teachers explained that all kids carry a 3-ring binder and use a planner daily and that organization is the key to being a successful student. (Ah, did he finally connect his current teacher's planner system to something beyond a daily hassle?!)

Ditto to the example essay assignment sheet: listing what to include in an essay: Who, When, Where, What, Why?  "This is like Mr. G's weekly current events assignment!"

We left there with a slightly less nervous and much more excited kid.

Of course, it also helped that they served cookies.

Life Lessons 101

Some of the hardest lessons to learn are the lessons of the world.  Kids especially believe in a sense of fairness and the world is more starkly drawn in lines of "right" and "wrong."  Children often grow up sheltered from some of life's harsher realities.

A neighborhood friend came over the other day to play with Toby.  I was surprised to find them in Toby's room counting Toby's piggy bank money (savings).  Toby later told me that Friend had asked how much money Toby had and after the counting commenced, said  "Can I have some?"

Later that night, Jonah could not find his wallet, which had been sitting on top of his dresser. Disclaimer: both our boys are very careless with their things and tend to misplace things often.  So our initial reaction was, "again you've 'lost' something?"

However, after a thorough inspection of Jonah's room, I started to have suspicions.  A quick perusal of Toby's desk top where his wallet had last been seen yielded nothing: Toby's AND Jonah's wallets were both missing.

Ken and I both looked in every dresser- and desk drawer with no luck.  I remembered seeing Jonah's wallet on his dresser the day before, and Toby saw his wallet on his desk that day.

Was is coincidence that two wallets went missing on the same day that Friend was here?  About 6 weeks ago, a $20 bill (also Jonah's) disappeared from the kitchen counter on a day that several neighborhood kids were here.  I had suspected that someone pocketed the $20 that day, but because Jonah is careless with belongings and because so many kids were in and out, I couldn't very well accuse anyone.

A quick assessment of the contents of their wallets:

• Each of them had a $25 gift card to GameStop.
• Toby had a $25 gift card to Target, a reward from Grandma and Grandpa Cook for giving up thumb-sucking.
• Jonah's wallet contained his library card and his GameStop membership rewards card.
• Each of them had some loose change and a couple of dollars.

We outlined the situation:  Friend was here.  Friend asked for money.  Wallets went missing. 

Toby was in tears: "Friend stole my wallet!"   Jonah was angry.  Ken and I felt sick.

We talked about what we could do.  Ken and I both felt strongly that it was important to at least try to talk to Friend (and parents).  This is a task which would be much easier if we actually knew said parents.  We prepared the boys for the probability that Friend would NOT own up to taking their wallets.  We prepared ourselves for any number of scenarios.

The next day, we walked down to Friend's house with the intention of speaking to Friend and a parent. Ushered into a dark living room lined with assorted gawking family members, we met a mother obviously overwhelmed with far greater issues than what her 10-year old son is doing. 

Friend denied everything. The mom was sympathetic to our boys' loss, but was not open to our thinly veiled accusation (and what did we really expect after all?!) She said her #1 rule is "no stealing" and suggested that Friend come back home with us and help the boys look for their wallets.

That turned out to be a blessing because after a big show of helping look for the wallets --  "what did they look like again?" --  we were able to address Friend face to face.  We told him that this sequence of events does not look good for him.  We pointed out the danger and risks involved in stealing.  Friend maintained his denial. We said Goodbye.

There is no doubt in either Jonah's or Toby's mind that Friend not only took their wallets but also lied about it.

Lessons we think we learned:

•  In the face of strong evidence, it is ok to assert ourselves and ask the person who wronged us to "man up."
• We have no control over others. We can hope someone will do the "right" thing but have to accept his denial.
• There are worse things than losing money.
• Be careful not to leave valuables lying around.
• It is ok to feel angry about what happened.

One lesson that I am sad the boys had to learn is that sometimes people do the wrong thing.  When called on a lie, it is easy to deny any wrongdoing.  Ken and I have talked much in the past few days about how we see  lying and cover-ups (by adults!) played out in the news all too often.  And yet . . . this is a hard lesson to watch one's children learn.

Parenting is bungled with the best of intentions, and there are lessons I hope we did not teach the boys:

• I hope the boys realize how much evidence it took for us to believe Friend stole their wallets.  I hope we didn't inadvertantly teach them to go around making accusations.
• Of course, I don't want them to believe based on this experience that there are no consequences for lying. 
• Most of all, I hope the boys will continue to approach friends with trust and openness.  Toby and Jonah are both generous and open and I hope this will not change.

Ken is fairly certain that Santa will bring new wallets for Jonah and Toby for Christmas.  Perhaps Santa will bring us all a renewed sense of faith and trust in the world around us. 

Leaves

After watching our neighbors rake every weekend for the past month, the yardwork bug hit Ken this past weekend.  (To be fair, the giant tree in our front yard IS a late leaf-dropper, but still, it was really late).  The impending snow in the forecast proved to be the catalyst, so on Saturday morning, Ken cajoled the boys to rake with him.  He had two extra helpers since Jonah and Toby's friends had spent the night.

Of course, raking wouldn't be fun without jumping into the piles of leaves:

 Jonah and Jaxson in mid-slide

 Toby and Mason

 Jonah and Jaxson posing

One hour after the raking was done, it started to snow.  :)

Halloween pictures

A few pictures of the boys' Halloween:

 Jonah: aka Link from "The Legend of Zelda"

 Toby as a Great White

Jonah and his buddy Jaxson getting ready to Trick or Treat

Apple Orchard

We took advantage of having a school day off (MEA) to visit an apple orchard.  We picked apples, chose pumpkins, ran around in a maze, and the boys spent some time hanging out with chickens and roosters in the chicken pen.  All week we have enjoyed fresh sweet apples!

Here are some photos:

THE Shark

The infamous shark poster from my last post: :)

For the love of . . . sharks!

Toby loves sharks. He reads about them. He talks about them. He draws them.

Recently his friend Sydney lent him her new favorite book, Soul Surfer, a true story about Bethany Hamilton, a teenage surfer who had her arm bitten off by a shark, and continued her surfing career.

As you might guess, Toby is now fascinated by shark attacks as well. We have reams of shark pictures in our house. Here are a couple.

This one is a great white shark eating some fish:

This one is a surfer who is catching a hammerhead shark while surfing:

Toby was thrilled that one of his first project as a third-grader was a report on sharks. What could be better: the chance to read about sharks, write down shark facts, draw a picture of a shark!

Imagine my surprise when his teacher caught me after school to tell me that Toby needs to redo his shark picture.

As it turns out, when Mrs. Anderson asked the kids to draw a shark and label the body parts, she did NOT mean that they should draw the shark eating people. Blood, gore, human body parts sticking out of the shark's mouth do not, apparently, belong in this particular report. Mrs. Anderson said she hopes to display the shark reports for parent-teacher conferences next week.

Is it wrong that I'm most curious to see Toby's original shark drawing??

Wild Things

Raising boys is . . . never dull. While they are sweet, sensitive, funny, and kind, they also have this edge of wildness. When there are additional boys, the wildness takes over. Particularly for Jonah, as he is older and a bit more daring. Boys hang from tree branches . . .

They have swordfights with sticks. . . They build teepees with tree branches . . . they see how many layers of items they can stack on top of a skateboard, plant a booster seat on top of the layers, and ride their contraption down the slope of our driveway (into the alley, no less). . . Yesterday, I witnessed a new game involving wheels, speed, dexterity, and yes, gratuitous violence! Thank goodness that styrofoam pool noodles were their weapon of choice. Here is a brief view:

"Music hath charms. . ."

Our cat, Bella, loves the piano. Whenever the boys practice piano, Bella usually joins them. Sometimes she "plays" by walking on the keys, but mostly she sits with them and soaks up the sounds. Here is a video of Jonah practicing along with his musical cat.

Notes from the Pirates' Den

In August, Jonah and Toby spent a week with Grandma and Grandpa Cook in Aberdeen, SD. My parents' study was transformed for a week into a Pirates' Den, complete with treasure and costumes!

The boys were in pirate heaven! Their first stop was the used bookstore, where more treasure awaited! They visited Storybook Land and the Yellow Brick Road, and spent and afternoon at the Brown County Fair. They also hit the playgrounds, the local waterpark, and their Grandma Kasey picked them up one afternoon to take them fishing!

There were legos, cartoons, yummy food, and ice cream EVERY DAY!

As you can imagine, Jonah and Toby had a wonderful week . . . The surprise may be that they were willing to return home!

Vacation!

The first week in August, we took a Minnesota vacation. For the first two nights, the four of us camped for at Bearhead Lake State Park, near the Boundary Waters. Aside from a terrific thunderstorm during our first night in the tents, the weather was beautiful!

The boys swam, fished, had lots of fun watching two snapping turtles swim around the dock. We canoed in a couple of different lakes and saw otters, a beaver lodge, a golden eagle and a bald eagle!

We visited the International Bear Center in Ely and met Aunt Debbie and Grandma and Grandpa Cook there. From there, we drove to Lutsen and spent four nights in a townhouse. During the days we explored the North Shore: Grand Marais, Temperance River State Park, Cascade River State Park, hiking on the Superior Hiking Trail.

The boys swam in the pool every day. They swam in the freezing waters of Lake Superior as well as wading/swimming in the rivers.

As you'll see from one of the photos, Jonah discovered cliff-diving and spent part of an afternoon jumping off a high rock into a deep pool into the Temperance River.

Some of us (Debbie, my Dad, Jonah, and I) rode the mountain tram up a ski hill. My 73-year old Dad was the most gung-ho hiker of the group, outpaced only by Jonah! Dad was always willing to go on the most difficult trails and actually pushed to go on a much longer hike than we had time for!

We took turns cooking supper in the evenings and celebrated Toby's 8th birthday on vacation!

Time spent relaxing, with family, and in nature was the perfect way to refresh and renew! We thoroughly enjoyed our family vacation!

Happy Birthday, Toby!

Toby, eight years ago today we were meeting you for the first time and just beginning this journey of getting to know the wonderful sweet son that you are!

What an eventful year this has been: you learned to swim and ride a bike. You mastered cross-country skiing and love sledding and tubing. You have discovered a passion for origami and love to create cranes, ducks, dogs, etc., as well as teaching others (namely me!) to do origami. You still love your "guys": your extensive collection of stuffed animals that continues to grow. Your newest passion is Pokemon: the cards, the DS game . . . it is all above our heads and although you talk about Pokemon incessantly, Dad and I don't understand a word of it!

You are, as always, my sweet extravert. You love to cuddle and be with people; you are sensitive and thoughtful and you love to share your thoughts and experiences. You take pride in following rules and you get frustrated when someone does not do what's expected. You love to know how things work and ask lots of questions, especially when you do not understand something. Cooking and baking are still interests of yours and I love your help in the kitchen.

You have a great group of friends and your friends' parents often tell us how well you play together. Jonah has become your best buddy this year and it is wonderful to watch the two of you together.

You had an incredible team of teachers this year for second grade: your beloved Ms. Heidi for most of the day and Mr. Templeton for reading and math. Your love and respect for these giants in your life led you to work hard, challenge yourself, and make incredible gains in school! More importantly than the hard reading, writing, and math you've done this year, you've gained an enormous self-confidence and a strong problem-solving skill set that will remain with you throughout your life.

Your face does not always reflect what's going on inside your head; your teachers tell me that you're often very stoic in classroom activities, when in fact you come home and tell me how exciting that very activity was and what you learned and loved about it.

We have been slowly realizing this year how much anxiety lives inside you. You don't always let on when you're feeling worried, and you've talked yourself over a few worries recently (biking over the Osseo Road bridge, canoeing, swimming in deep water, water slides). I promise I will always keep an eye out for signs that you're feeling anxious and try to help you work through your worries.

Today is the day you have decided to give up thumb-sucking. It will be challenging, I am sure, but I know that you have an iron will and you can do this!

Happy 8th Birthday, Little Guy! I love you!

Mom

Soccer #2: Jonah

Ten-year-old boys can play some serious soccer!

Ken and I were both a little surprised at how different soccer is at U10 compared to U9 (which is the level he played last year). The expectations are significantly higher - both from the coach and from the other players.

Some of these kids have some incredible soccer skills and we are beginning to catch glimpses of the more serious sport years (skill and effort rewarded with playing time, significant variation in kids' ability). For now, while not a superstar, Jonah seems to have enough dedication and skill to be a pretty reliable player.

The boys gelled together as a team pretty rapidly and were passing up the field, figuring out where to position themselves in relation to the other team, the ball, and the net.

Jonah's team won most of their games, which made for great team morale!

Go Cyclones!

Soccer #1: Toby

Toby played traveling soccer for the first time this spring/summer. He played U9 Gold (which means not as competitive players and made up of kids who are 9 or younger).

They learned some great skills and more importantly, had FUN out on the soccer field. Their coaches were two university students; the kids loved them and looked up to them like older brothers.



Although Toby's team did not win a game, they did have a couple of tie games and the kids all improved greatly throughout the season.

Toby learns to ride a bike!

Yes, it's a little late, as Toby is 7. (Although, surprisingly, we have discovered a that this delayed skill is not uncommon in the "under-8" set).

We ride our bikes a lot as a family and Toby has gone from sitting in a Burley trailer to riding behind us on a Trail-a-bike (basically a wheel, seat and handlebars that attaches to a bike). We began spring by carting out his bike with training wheels from last year. We finally convinced him to try to ride without training wheels, which he took to amazingly well. For two long months, he was convinced that he could only ride a two-wheeler on that one stretch of park path where he had learned.

Finally, on a summer Sunday in June, Toby decided he was ready to ride his bike. He took off from a standstill and the rest is history. Here is a video of Toby riding his bike.

"BIG ME" and "MINI ME"

Since the day Jonah was born, he has looked like my (Sheri's) brother, Liam. As he has grown, he continues to resemble his Uncle Liam, not just in appearance, but in mannerisms, speech patterns, abilities (Jonah loves to climb, flip, swing and my brother was a skater). It is uncanny, especially as they've not spent huge amounts of time together or even seen each other all that often!

Jonah thinks this is pretty cool and really looks up to his Uncle Liam. Because Liam started calling Jonah "Mini Me," Jonah came up with the nickname "Big Version of Me" for Liam, or just "Big Me."

Liam visited this weekend, along with Bridget, his girlfriend, who is responsible for all the great photos. (thanks, Bridget!) We celebrated my Mom's and Liam's birthdays and just enjoyed being together!

Sheri, Liam, Cindy, and Mom (Helen)

Boys clowning on the trampoline


Bridget and Liam

Jonah's Trombone Solo

Jonah took band for the first time this year (4th grade). He has had piano lessons for about a year so he had a slight advantage over other classmates. His instrument of choice was the trombone. Although he sounded like a goose with laryngitis at times, he found himself sounding pretty good and actually enjoying the instrument. (He wanted his own trombone for Christmas!)

Aunt Debbie was on hand in June to make a video of parts of the 4th grade band concert. Hope you enjoy it as much as his parents did!

What's More American than Baseball?

Toby has signed up for coach-pitch baseball this year. While the stands may not offer quite the concession offerings I would prefer, I can certainly seat myself right up close to the action! After the bases were installed and the dead mouse was properly disposed of, the first game began!

The warm-up activities included playing catch with your teammates. Take this comment with a father's bias, but Toby is actually quite a good throw.

Toby watches the ball carefully while playing second base. Or maybe he was between first and second - they don't really keep track yet.

One thing you should know about Toby - he's very detail oriented. His t-ball coach from a couple years back taught him "point, step, throw!" and he still does it.

Toby loves to bat but he was a bit disappointed in this particular game. I know from experience that it's not easy to pitch a ball to a 7-year-old. The strike zone is tiny.

Basketball!

Basketball season has been over for awhile, but I am finally getting around to sharing some pictures of Toby. He LOVED basketball, despite being far from the strongest player on the team! I am not sure which game was his favorite, the one his beloved teacher, Ms. Heidi, attended, or the one his girlfriend Sydney came to watch.

"I Love to Swim"

Jonah has enjoyed swimming for the YMCA Swim Team this winter. He especially loves relays, and some of these pictures are from the YMCA State Meet in which Jonah's relay team competed and took 4th place (of 8 teams) in the 400 m Freestyle Relay.

How I Spent My Day Off

Today was Family Involvement Day at Loring School. I was invited to visit Jonah's 4th grade science class and also see the girl he has his first real crush on.

Because Toby's class planned a day of events, I spent most of the day with Toby.

The kids put on a poetry reading. Toby was a character in a friend's poem (the girl on the right, incidentally, is Toby's "girlfriend" Sydney.)



Toby read this poem:
My Little Sister by William Wise

My little sister
Likes to eat.
But when she does
She's not too neat.
The trouble is
She doesn't know
Exactly where
The food should go!



His performance required props: a messy shirt and food, including a real (hard-boiled) egg which he threw on the floor at the end.












To wrap up the day, Toby was a soloist for the French introduction to: "Frere' Jacques!"
Unfortunately my video malfunctioned and I only caught the end of the song and not his solo. But he sang beautifully!

Skiing the MinneLoppet

The first weekend in February is an annual ski weekend in Uptown Minneapolis, the City of Lakes Loppet. This year was the second year that the boys' school arranged to take kids to ski the kids' free event, the MinneLoppet, a 2K non-competitive ski "race," which saw over 600 skiers ages 12 and under. The weather was perfect and the kids had a blast!

Playing near the snow sculptures:




Skiing!























The bus ride home...