Walls

Our cat Jazzy loves small enclosed spaces.  She has even contorted herself to crawl inside a cereal box- clearly a tight fit.  The walls holding her in must make her feel safe.  She likes to feel her boundaries.

So, too, with 11 year old boys.  

We have struggled all year with Jonah’s tendency to rush through his work without regard to neatness or accuracy.  His teacher knows he is capable of better quality work, and continues to promote better work habits in Jonah. (I have learned from other parents how fortunate we are that his teacher refuses to give up on or cast aside this habit as “just laziness.”)  

Ken and I had recently chatted with Jonah about his semester report card, specifically what we consider acceptable work and grades.  It was not 10 days later that his teacher approached me after school, saying, “I need to talk to you.”  Words I would be perfectly happy NEVER to hear again.

It seems that instead of boosting his performance after the report card talk, Jonah took things to a new low: not participating appropriately in groups, not staying focused, and attacking his work with even more haste and unconcern than usual.

We took some time to gather input from those giants in our lives, PARENTS WHO HAVE BEEN THERE!  When we finally sat down with Jonah, he was in a fairly receptive mood.  Our main messages were:

1.    We expect better from you, because you are capable of better quality work.
2.   We love you and are here to support you and help you.
3. You have choices in how you approach your work; but just as in the real world, consequences follow choices.

He didn’t know what was coming, however. 

Jonah was shocked when we told him that his privileges were gone:

•    time with friends
•    screens (this includes video games, movies, his I-Pod)
•   and the privilege of staying home by himself 

After the initial outburst, we noticed something. For the rest of the weekend, Jonah was strangely happy, affectionate, and wanting to spend time with his parents. Is it possible that Jonah’s fears and worries -- about middle school in particular and with growing up and having more responsibility in general -- found an outlet in his poor academic behavior?  Was he stretching out in the hopes of finding his walls, his boundaries?  Did he just need reassurance that people love him and are paying attention? 

Like his cat, Jonah seemed to need to be in a small space and feel the walls hugging him.  

This is not to say that the past couple of weeks have all been rosy, however.  Jonah is chafing against his restrictions: this is a good thing, as it is motivating (we hope).  

Jonah is working to earn back his privileges one by one.  He must meet Mr. G’s and our expectations for homework/schoolwork (quality and accuracy) in addition to showing respect and responsibility.

Ken and Jonah conferenced with Jonah’s teacher yesterday, and Jonah has made SOME progress in the past two weeks, which is a good sign.  He renewed some goals and set others and we will see what the coming weeks bring.

Determination

The face of DETERMINATION

Toby swam a beautiful 25 Fly in the YMCA State Swim Meet and took 7^th place (among 16 swimmers) at 21.31.

Yes, you may say, but wasn’t Toby trying to beat 21 seconds? 

view from the block

It was quite a rollercoaster – the timer (person) told him his time was 20.94; however, the official score-clock time was 21.31. 

Toby displayed grace and resilience at learning his official time was over 21 seconds . . . well, ok . . . this is not exactly what happened. 

Grace and resilience came later. . . the next morning, actually.  His initial reaction would more accurately be characterized as abject despair and inconsolable grief.  No photos of this. 

The silver lining: only after he arrived at the “moving on” stage did Coach PJ point out  that in Time Trials last week, Toby swam a 20.99.

It counts.

Toby qualified for Regionals by a hundredth of a second!

Jonah's cross-legged dive

Both boys’ relay races were exciting to watch and their swim team, the New Hope Aquaforce, took 3rd place in the meet overall!

Just. One. Second.

This is a story about Toby, who as recently as August would NOT jump into the deep end of a pool.

Swim buddies: Greta and Toby

Toby was determined to join his brother on Swim Team this year, although there were some tears and “I can’t do this!” during the first week of practice.  He decided (by this I mean we compelled him) to stick with it, and within a month, his favorite stroke was the BUTTERFLY (!) and his favorite swim meet event became the 25 yard Fly, which is one length of the pool.

Despite being DQ’d (disqualified) in his 25 Fly in a couple of his early meets this fall, Toby decided (and by this I mean he talked about giving up) to keep trying.

Some of Toby’s early times, in seconds:

32.18    32.25   32.91   33.25

In other words, Toby set a leisurely – but consistent – pace, swimming the length of the pool in approximately 33 seconds.

Then came January, when things became a little bit more exciting:

25.42!  
            23.42!  
                          23.36!! 

Toby was pleased by swimming his personal best time in his most recent meet, and thrilled that he won this race and gets to compete in the YMCA State Meet next weekend.

But.

There is another, more elusive, goal that Toby is most desperately chasing.  The final meet of the YMCA Swim Team season is the Regional meet.  In order to swim at Regionals, a swimmer must qualify based on times.

The qualifying time for Toby’s age group in the 25 Fly is 21 seconds, or 2-1/2 seconds faster than Toby’s best time.

Coach PJ conducted Time Trials for swimmers who were close to making regional times, something we parents in the viewing area found really hard to watch!  

Toby’s time trial results: 21.94

 

With less than one second separating Toby from Regionals, how would he react?   

Watching through the viewing window, I read the disappointment in his slumping shoulders and nervous hands.  I also saw him conference with coach PJ and saw determination in his step as he bounded off to the locker room.

More than once I have told Toby that it does not matter at all to us whether he makes regional times.  I am so proud of him for mastering the butterfly, for consistently making new personal best times, and for working hard.

He looked at me with this “oh ye of little faith” expression and said with the utmost confidence, “Mom, I have one more time trial and one last chance when I swim at the State Meet.  I really want to make Regional times!” 

This is not actually the best part.  The best part was watching Toby and his teammates support one another as they took turns swimming their time trials.    

As his friends swam, Toby was on the edge of the pool, yelling, “Go! Go! Go!” Toby was one of the first to run over to the coach to find out what the stopwatch said about his teammates’ trials.  He literally bounced up and down, clapping and cheering, when his buddy Becket made his times.

This amazing group of kids -- some of the youngest girls and boys on the team --  have swum together all year in practice and on relay teams. They depend on one another and push each other and themselves to swim better and faster – for the team!

I don’t know if Toby can shave that one last second off his race, and I doubt that it will matter to Toby in ten years that he either did or did not go to YMCA Regionals when he was 8 years old.   

Watching those time trials crystallized for me what swim team has actually been about:

• finding joy and celebrating friends’ achievements, 
• working hard together for a common goal, and 
• interdependence: relying on – and being responsible to – one's teammates.   

Greta, Toby, and Charlie

What Toby has learned in swim team this year will influence him well beyond the end of the season.